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I’ve been doing some reading on co-sleeping and found a great article called “The Con of Controlled Crying”. Here’s an excerpt:

Controlled crying and other similar regimes may indeed work to produce a self-soothing, solitary sleeping infant. However, the trade-off could be an anxious, clingy or hyper-vigilant child or even worse, a child whose trust is broken. Unfortunately, we can’t measure attributes such as trust and empathy which are the basic skills for forming all relationships. We can’t, for instance, give a child a trust quotient like we can give him an intelligence quotient. One of the saddest emails I have received was from a mother who did controlled crying with her one-year-old toddler.

After a week of controlled crying he slept, but he stopped talking (he was saying single words). For the past year, he has refused all physical contact from me. If he hurts himself, he goes to his older brother (a preschooler) for comfort. I feel devastated that I have betrayed my child. - Sonia

Can you imagine? I can’t. I’m so glad that I read this article - on the nights when it’s the hardest, I’ll be able to remember that quote.

For more articles on baby sleep, co-sleeping, baby training, etc. check out this page. Enjoy!

I have spoken to enough moms about this subject to know that in mommy-land, I am playing with fire. Please, if you are going to leave a comment disagreeing with my position, I am happy to read it and have a discussion about the subject. Please keep in mind that just because we have chosen a different parenting style does NOT mean that I think you’re a bad parent. If any nasty/derogatory/flaming comments are posted, I will not respond, and I will delete them. Let’s be courteous everyone - thanks!

A couple of weeks ago I was at the park and met up with some friends. One asked me how Gwen was sleeping and I replied with a “Oh, the same … she still wakes up really frequently.” After a bit more chit-chat, she asked why we didn’t let her cry-it-out (CIO) so we could all get some sleep. I’m afraid my answer was woefully inadequate to convey why we are not advocates of the CIO method.

I thought about her question some more once I got home and came up with some better reasons than just “studies show it’s bad for babies’ brains” and “it just doesn’t feel right”. I thought I’d write them down here so I won’t be tempted to forget next time Read the rest of this entry »

It’s nearly impossible to be a kind, patient, loving parent with a solid month of sleep deprivation behind you.

For the past week now, Gwen has been sleeping much better - going to bed between 8 & 9pm, sleeping solid until around 12:30 - 1am, then coming into bed with us and falling right back asleep, nursing around 4, and sometimes again around 6, and waking up for the day between 7 & 8am. I know it won’t last forever and that we’ll be back in the throes of sleep deprivation at the next developmental milestone or tooth, and that we will then likely trudge through another month of sleep disturbance, but after this last week, where our sleep was only minimally disturbed, I feel like a different person.

I feel like a better person. A better mom, a better wife.

I was in the depths last week. I was honestly considering going to the doctor and asking for some anti-depressants - or at least a thorough postpartum depression evaluation. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low in my life. When my mom came to visit I asked her, “Do you think I have postpartum depression? Or do I just have a really hard baby?” She believed it was option #2. That’s hard to say out loud. I love my daughter - she’s truly a delight to be around and has the most beautiful smile and such a fun personality.

But when it’s been over a month since you’ve had more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep, you think things that make you feel like you shouldn’t be a parent. That you should never have been a parent. That you’re the worst mother in the world.

But when that month is over … when you get a couple of nights of decent sleep and when your daughter starts smiling again and, for the first time in her life, really starts giggling at things you do … you understand that you aren’t a horrible person or a horrible mother.

You understand that really, it’s been the sleep deprivation talking and, well, let’s be honest - it is a form of torture.

And you know what’s really cute? Gwen’s actually been snuggling with Brad at night lately. I’ll wake up and she’ll be over beside him … after months of co-sleeping with her wedged directly beside me, it’s kinda nice to be able to turn over and see her over there. She’s also developed a cute habit of sticking her head by him and her feet by me and laying like the mid part of a capital ‘H’. I’d read about those kinds of co-sleeping kids, but I believed I had a die-hard heat-seeking missile. Apparently I was wrong!

I’ll try

So, last week, Gwen turned 9 months old! 9 months!! That means she has been outside of me for longer than she was in my womb. That’s just craziness.

Our little miss is pulling up on everything in sight and trying to climb.

She has become a VERY proficient crawler and frequently finds the grossest things on the floor to put in her mouth!

She’s been babbling a tonne in the past week and has also learned to sign ‘milk’!

She’s into EVERYTHING in a flash - learning about gravity, how things feel, taste, sound …

… and leaving NOTHING IN HER PATH UNTURNED! One of our nicknames for her is ‘Gwenzilla’.

This stage of development is so fun! She’s a treat to watch and play with as she babbles away (”ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-pth”) and climbs all over you. Gwen LOVES books. She loves being read to, just looking at the pictures, and playing with books on the ground. If you put her down, she beelines for any book that might be sitting out. We need MORE BOARD BOOKS, PEOPLE!

Sleeping has been … difficult lately, although the past few nights have been wonderful and we’re hoping that we’re over the hump. For the past month, Gwen had been resisting bedtime (we’d lay her down and she’d push up to a sit and then pull up in her crib) and waking VERY frequently (on the order of 8-10 times a night). She wasn’t waking due to hunger, but she was waking nonetheless. Then, she stopped waking as much, but then was waking up for hours at night wanting to play. Either variation is not pleasant! For the past two nights, though, she has gone down between 8-9 (we’ve been trying to keep her awake a bit longer to get her practicing in BEFORE bed time!) and gone 7 hours without eating and only waking 1-2 times to be resettled before that one feed. Then she’s been going back to sleep and sleeping until she’s ready to be up for the day - around 7:15. It’s been a lovely few nights, and we’re hoping that maybe she’s through her need-to-wake-up-and-practice-all-my-mad-skillz stage.

First, let me caveat this post by saying that, in the rare occurance that I may actually get to sleep during the day and have a decent nap, as soon as I stand up, I am in pain. Extreme gas pain that puts me in a fouler than foul mood and is often accompanied by moaning, crying, groaning, and lying curled in the fetal position for 30 mins - 1 hour. I can’t tell you how long this has been the case, but long enough to know that unless I really need that nap, it’s really just not worth the aftermath. That said, let’s move on

Brad advised me this morning to sleep with Gwen goes down for her naps. We’ve both (yeah, I’ll get around to updating about that eventually) been quite sick, and I. Am. Exhausted. I shunned the idea for Gwen’s first nap, as it occured at only 9:30am, but I thought maybe for her second, I’d see what happens. Following is an account, for my darling husband, of what transpired during said ‘nap’. Please know that these events are not isolated and their occurence is well noted by myself under 4 - 5 months of observation. This wasn’t a one-off.

I had gone out to get lunch - a bagel - from a local shop and saw some friends while there. I arrived home at around 1:45pm, perfect timing for Gwen’s second nap, since she’d awoken from her first (1+ hours) at 10:45am. She was rubbing her eyes and yawning, clear Gwen signs that a nap will easily overtake her.

I decided to nap with her in our bed - one of my favourite things to do when she was little - and got us all comfy-cozied up. She latched on … and popped off. And latched on … and popped off. Bright eyed and bushy tailed now that we’re trying to get her to sleep, my kid played. Until 2:39pm. We had some cute moments, as she rewarded me with the ever-elusive Gwen giggle after I tickled her belly a few times, followed promptly by a head-butt into my sore, congested, sinuses. Thanks, Gwen.

So. At by 2:39pm, she was whiny and clumsy. I had lain there the whole time hoping against hope that she would tire quickly and I could still get my nap. I got us comfy-cozied up again (oh, and she’d fallen asleep in our bed for her naps just fine on Saturday when I had been too tired/weak to move, so it’s not because she was in our bed. Nice try though - I knew what you were thinking!) and … oh right. Comfy-cozied up again and she nurses and slips blissfully into a quiet sleep. I lay there staring at her, blissful amidst the nursing hormones and begin drifting off a few minutes later.

To be awoken at 3:00pm.

That’s right, people, my kid slept for 15 minutes.

That, my dear sweet Brad, is why I don’t try to nap anymore. I’ll take sheer exhaustion over that fiasco any day! Although today I got to enjoy that fiasco followed by sheer exhaustion made worse by the fact that my body thought it was going to get to sleep followed by kill-me-now gut pain. Yay!

Can any one else see why I find it difficult day after day to find the sunshine and puppy dogs in being a mother?

This is what keeps me going. This kid is seriously cute.

Wow. I just wanted you all to know that we are all still alive here, although life chez Schellingerhoudts has been … gross? Painful? Tiring?

I’m going to go with all of the above.

I promise I’ll blog soon.

I have totally been slacking at taking the pictures off my camera and updating le blog and le Facebook with pictures of my beautiful little girl. Maybe it’s because every moment she’s awake I’m ripping my laptop cord out of her mouth if I dare to open it up regardless of HOW FAR AWAY FROM IT I put her, or maybe it’s that I’ve been really tired lately and I just haven’t wanted to take the effort.

Either option is sad. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t have a topic that I specifically want to blog on, so I thought I’d throw a random smattering of stuff out there.

• On the right, you’ll see a new widget - the ‘Ideal Bite’ widget, and to be more precise, the ‘Mama Bite’ edition. I had signed up for these daily tips for green living a while ago and was loving getting them! Lately, though, I’ve realized that I already am aware of most of the tips/advice, so I unsubscribed, but thought I could continue to support them by helping my readers get some tips.
• I’ve finally mastered the art of wearing Gwen on the front in my woven wrap. I’m currently using the front wrap cross and LOVE IT. Since Gwen’s about 15 lbs now, she’s getting too heavy for my sling, but it’s quite comfy to wrap her on! Now I’m trying to work on back carries …
• I’m an aunt for the second time! Brad’s sister had a baby on February 4th - they are both (to our knowledge) doing well.
• I’ve finally joined Ravelry! So far, I’ve input most of my stash and needles and have picked out my next pattern for some new socks. I’m almost done the sock I’m working on now.
• I’m thinking of selling off my wool covers. Although they fit Gwen quite well as a newborn, this next size is just not working for us. Right now, we’re using two little g pants, a Kushies cover, and a Bummis cover. I’ve got an order in for a few more little g’s.
• I’ve been working on my wedding scrapbook lately - digitally - and it’s been lots of fun to go through our pictures and re-live that day! I can’t decide whether to make just a picture book or to do some journalling … any suggestions?
• Gwen has been sleeping GREAT lately!! She’s been taking two good naps - around 1 - 2 hours apiece AND she’s only waking twice during the night - once around 10 or 11pm and then again around 2 or 3am. The only downside to this good sleep is that she’s waking for the day between 6:15 and 6:30am. That’s just cruel (she used to wake up around 8:30am!).
• On of my very good friends is very close to having a new baby … I’m so excited to meet him! I made her a dinner last night and need to take it over to her house this weekend for her freezer.
• Facebook is irritating. Why doesn’t it ever work correctly?
• I have been totally slacking in the picture department lately! I’ve got tonnes of pics of Gwen and lots of videos, but I haven’t taken them off my camera yet.
• The cord on my laptop is dying. It needs some serious electrical tape and Brad and I are thinking seriously of doing a full back-up of all my files in preparation for the day that my laptop will be on it’s way to computer heaven. You can’t buy a new power cord for Macs, so once it’s done, it’s done. Not quite sure what we’re going to do when the lappy dies. I’m hoping I can get a new one, but yeah. That’s money.
• My mommy just called and she’s coming to visit today! YAY!
• I totally fell off the push-up and sit-up wagon. I did the first week and was loving it. And then yeah. I’m thinking I’m going to re-start week one this coming week since Brad wants to do the challenge too. This way, we can suffer together

We had a rough night last night. Gwen didn’t go down for the night until 8:30pm, and was awake at 11:30, 2:30 (that part was normal!) but then 4:30, 5:30, 6:30, and then 7 for the day. Brad took her for a bit while I slept for some more (thanks, dear!!!) and when he brought Gwen back in, she chomped on my finger.

So I pried her little mouth open and her lower right gum is quite swollen and red, and I’m 99.8% sure I see a slit of white. C’mon, tooth!

Gwen seems to be having a developmental explosion. She claps, she moves, she can turn the pages on books (so.cute.) … things are just changing so fast!!

Brad and I are trying to get into somewhat of a routine these days. The plan is to be waking up at 7am every day, since he’s trying to get to work for 8:30am so he can leave at 5pm instead of 6pm. So far this week, we’ve done pretty well!

Gwen had a HORRIBLE night on Monday night - she was awake 4 times between 7:30 and 10:30, woke at 11:30 to eat and was awake, on average, every 45 minutes all. night. long.

To say it was difficult is an understatement.

So, Brad and I devised a plan to handle bedtime and nightwaking that we’re comfortable with and tonight is night #2 on “the plan”. Last night was fabulous. She was asleep by 8:30pm and ate at 11pm and 2am and woke up around 7:30am. AHHHH, sheer bliss after our couple of bad nights.

Enough about that! Read the rest of this entry »