kim through
   the looking glass

Interestingly, I’m finding that adding a second child to our family has not, overall, made me nearly as tired as I thought it might.

Mind you, I’m napping when I can and going to bed a LOT earlier these days than I ever have - probably since grade 7 or 8 … maybe even earlier. I was a bit of an insomniac in those grades …

Gil falls asleep sometime between 7 & 8, we normally start Gwen’s bedtime around 8, and after my part is done (pj’s & diaper, nursing if she wants it, and tooth brushing), I head to bed with Gil curled up beside me. If it’s before 9, I might read for a bit, or like one night this week, enjoy a tv show with Brad.

Mostly, though, I’ve realized that I will only need to go to sleep that early for so long … because before too long, Gil will be sleeping well enough that I can ‘enjoy’ my evenings again.

I’m find this excerpt from Conscious Transitions - Motherhood: Layers of Letting Go to be very true of myself, emphasis mine:

But the main difference between my experience this time is so simple: I go to sleep earlier! I put Asher to bed, then I put Everest to bed and fall asleep with him. Most nights, I’m asleep between 8:30 and 9 pm. So even though I’m still woken up several times during the night and am usually awake for the day by 5 am, I feel relatively rested most days.

Here’s the thing: with Everest, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my evening hours in favor of sleep. I would have rather been exhausted than give up my private time or time with my husband at the end of the day. The sacrifices as a new mother were so overwhelmingly numerous that I couldn’t bear to let go of one more thing – especially something so essential as time separate from my child. More shocking than the sleep deprivation was what felt like an almost total obliteration of my separate selfhood. I grieved many things in the first months of new motherhood but at the core of the grief was the loss of self and the loss of the freedom I had before becoming a mother.

With the second child, I’ve already adjusted to having significantly less time to myself and the lack of freedom. I don’t experience it as a loss anymore because there’s an acceptance that this is what life is with young children. And over the last 5 1/2 years, I’ve learned how to find my separateness even when I’m in proximity to my kids.

Two kids breastfed on demand.

One outing to the Ontario Early Years Centre.

One load of diapers in the washing machine.

One mother and one toddler well fed and watered.

Innumerable diapers changed and bums wiped.

Two afternoon naps coordinated and executed without crying or struggles.

One mom blissfully sleeping for an hour nestled up with the newborn.

Two loads of dishes washed and put away.

One food share divided and put away.

One fridge cleaned out.

One meal (that someone else made, thank goodness!) ready to go on the table.

I guess this is our new normal. I think I’m going to survive.

… is about to get a whole lot more difficult!

The past two weeks, I’ve had some combination of Brad and my mom here with me. An extra set of hands to wrangle Gwen into her coat. A pair of hands to get a snack ready. Hands to hold Gil while Gwen and I enjoy our special time together snuggling down for her nap.

Sadly, I will be all alone tomorrow.

And I’m more than a little scared.

Gil is a very frequent nurser. As in, when he’s awake, he’s generally attached to the breast. The. Whole. Time. He’s hard to wear for extended periods because I’m frequently switching him from breast to breast. He’s very rarely awake and settled, happy to be carried around - his need to suck is great, and I’m happy to meet it. Unfortunately, that makes it hard to attend to Gwen’s needs as well!

I know I’ll survive - goodness knows other mothers have been met with more difficult challenges (ie. twins/triplets, two closer in age that mine, developmental disabilities, etc.) and survived - even thrived! Think of me while I find my way to mother another, would you please?

Wow, that title seems odd.

While I’ve been witness to a few of Gil’s pees and have been able to make the cue sound (’pssssssss’), I’ve never purposefully caught one.

Until just now.

I’ve read everywhere about how you’re most likely to catch a pee just after a nap, since babies tend not to want to soil their sleeping area.

Makes sense to me - what other animals encourage their young to do so?

So as Gil was waking from his long afternoon nap (12-2:45PM today!), I removed his (dry!) diaper to nurse him and observe his cues. He nursed a long while on the first side with no sign of a pee and then pulled off, arched his back and straightened his legs. I held him in the basic under-thigh hold over our potty insert.

And he peed!

I made the cueing sound as he peed and aimed the stream a bit and he finished. I offered again after the second time, thinking he might have to poop, but he didn’t.

Yay for our first Natural Infant Hygiene success!

***UPDATE***

Just after I hit ‘post’, Gil came off the second side doing some fussing and leg stretching. So I figured, ‘what the heck!’ and took him over to the potty. Took off the (still dry!) diaper and held him over it in position - immediate pee! I was so taken aback I didn’t manage to cue him until pretty well after he finished. He was still a bit squirmy, so I said, “Do you need to poop?” and made a grunting sound, being sure to flex my abs. And my little man pooped! Wow. I can’t believe this crazy stuff works

I just can’t get over her great humour … check out Mama Is’ Wasting My Life in Conversation:

This passage made me smile today as I found it over @ Peaceful Parenting - totally my new favourite blog. If this is what parenting is all about, BRING IT ON!

Manifesto of the idle parent

We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
We pledge to leave our children alone
That should mean that they leave us alone, too
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
We drink alcohol without guilt
We reject the inner Puritan
We fill the house with music and laughter
We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays
We lie in bed for as long as possible
We try not to interfere
We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
Time is more important than money
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
Down with school
We fill the house with music and merriment

Is this article here @ Peaceful Parenting: Tackling Distress Tantrums with Brain Research.

I don’t know about anyone else, but Gwen has been full-on tantruming since about 9 mos of age, so although we are getting significantly LESS tantrums now, we definitely have a few meltdowns per day. My gut reaction is always that she’s really in distress - she certainly appears to be in distress - but culturally, it’s expected that she’s tantruming because she’s asserting herself and wants to manipulate the situation.

I feel good knowing that the research suggests that says she’s truly in distress and needs my help to manage her emotions.

Check out this fantastic post by my friend Kathryn @ Home Spun Soul - Christmas Competition. Here’s the comment I left:

TWO HUGE THUMBS UP!!!

It disturbs me how much emphasis is placed on Santa. Our children will know that Santa is a fairy tale based on a true story and adults like to pretend he’s real and many kids therefore think he’s real too. I don’t plan on getting their picture taken with Santa or “doing Santa” in our house, although I think the spirit of the idea can be fun

What do you think about the Santa debate?

As you may have noticed, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about parenting types and styles. I am completely confident that attachment parenting is for Brad and I, but beyond that, how does one discipline?

I’ve got a couple of books that I’m hoping to read soon. With Gwen well into toddlerhood - my goodness, I feel like she’s had a toddler’s mentality since she started crawling! - we’re thinking more and more about discipline and I’m finding myself more and more confused as to what feels right for us. The only thing I do know is that I don’t want to hit, and I don’t want to punish. I want to discipline - to teach our children the correct way of being in relationship with others.

Here’s my list of soon-to-reads (I hope!):

• The Continuum Concept - Jean Leidhoff
• The Natural Child: Parenting From the Heart - Jan Hunt
• Grace-Based Parenting - Tim Kimmel
• Parenting for a Peaceful World - Robin Grille
• Biblical Parenting - Crystal Lutton
• Disciplining Children with Confidence - Grace Chou

I have spoken to enough moms about this subject to know that in mommy-land, I am playing with fire. Please, if you are going to leave a comment disagreeing with my position, I am happy to read it and have a discussion about the subject. Please keep in mind that just because we have chosen a different parenting style does NOT mean that I think you’re a bad parent. If any nasty/derogatory/flaming comments are posted, I will not respond, and I will delete them. Let’s be courteous everyone - thanks!

A couple of weeks ago I was at the park and met up with some friends. One asked me how Gwen was sleeping and I replied with a “Oh, the same … she still wakes up really frequently.” After a bit more chit-chat, she asked why we didn’t let her cry-it-out (CIO) so we could all get some sleep. I’m afraid my answer was woefully inadequate to convey why we are not advocates of the CIO method.

I thought about her question some more once I got home and came up with some better reasons than just “studies show it’s bad for babies’ brains” and “it just doesn’t feel right”. I thought I’d write them down here so I won’t be tempted to forget next time Read the rest of this entry »