kim through
   the looking glass

I’ve been thinking a bit about my new size lately.

Mostly because I look in the mirror and I don’t see anything different. I’ve never had a terribly good body image … maybe partially stemming from being called ‘chubby’, ’stocky’, and ‘cute’ - never ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ - growing up .

I told Brad a few nights ago that he was the first guy to have ever called me beautiful - out of 11 (12?) boyfriends I had between grades 7 and 11, when I met him. My parents and sisters never called me beautiful, only ‘cute’.

Every day, I look in the mirror and struggle. I struggle to see myself as Brad sees me and how I know God sees me - beautiful. But I don’t feel it. And mostly, I don’t believe it. I find myself wondering how Brad can possibly call me beautiful when clearly, at best, I’m cute. I don’t doubt he believes me to be beautiful, but if I’m being honest with myself, sometimes I wonder if his eyesight is really that poor …

In the same way, I put on my brand new size 6 jeans and marvel that they fit me. I wonder if maybe I tried on the only grossly mislabeled size 6 in Old Navy and I’m really still a size 12, because I sure don’t feel different and I don’t see any difference in the mirror. I know my old jeans were getting baggy and that now when I walk, my thighs don’t rub together, but in the mirror?

I get in front of that mirror, catch a glimpse of myself in a car or shop window, and instantly I’m that ’stocky’ kid who was yelled at during ballet class to “suck it in!” or the ‘cute’ girl in the family photo beside my two beautiful sisters.

And I vow to tell my daughter that she is beautiful.

I remember having a celebration at my school to honour Earth Day every year. The school body would head outside onto the grounds and we would plant a tree, we would generally listen to some poems about the earth, and some of us (I was in the Environmental Club) would pick up garbage around the property.

This year for Earth Day, I’m breastfeeding!

I’m also giving away coupons!! The nice folks at gDiapers have sent me a stack of information brochures and coupons to give away in honour of Earth Day.

If you’ve been thinking about a more environmentally friendly diapering method but aren’t quite ready to go cloth, gDiapers are a great alternative - and like I have, you can convert the system to a cloth-only system very easily! And with $2 off any of their products, maybe you’d like to try it out!

The coupons are valid in Canada only, so if you’re a Canuck and you’d like one (or two), leave me a comment and I’ll contact you for your mailing address and send them out to you along with the information booklets, which describe what gDiapers are all about as well as giving a great visual for how well they break down in landfills.