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Interestingly, I’m finding that adding a second child to our family has not, overall, made me nearly as tired as I thought it might.

Mind you, I’m napping when I can and going to bed a LOT earlier these days than I ever have - probably since grade 7 or 8 … maybe even earlier. I was a bit of an insomniac in those grades …

Gil falls asleep sometime between 7 & 8, we normally start Gwen’s bedtime around 8, and after my part is done (pj’s & diaper, nursing if she wants it, and tooth brushing), I head to bed with Gil curled up beside me. If it’s before 9, I might read for a bit, or like one night this week, enjoy a tv show with Brad.

Mostly, though, I’ve realized that I will only need to go to sleep that early for so long … because before too long, Gil will be sleeping well enough that I can ‘enjoy’ my evenings again.

I’m find this excerpt from Conscious Transitions - Motherhood: Layers of Letting Go to be very true of myself, emphasis mine:

But the main difference between my experience this time is so simple: I go to sleep earlier! I put Asher to bed, then I put Everest to bed and fall asleep with him. Most nights, I’m asleep between 8:30 and 9 pm. So even though I’m still woken up several times during the night and am usually awake for the day by 5 am, I feel relatively rested most days.

Here’s the thing: with Everest, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my evening hours in favor of sleep. I would have rather been exhausted than give up my private time or time with my husband at the end of the day. The sacrifices as a new mother were so overwhelmingly numerous that I couldn’t bear to let go of one more thing – especially something so essential as time separate from my child. More shocking than the sleep deprivation was what felt like an almost total obliteration of my separate selfhood. I grieved many things in the first months of new motherhood but at the core of the grief was the loss of self and the loss of the freedom I had before becoming a mother.

With the second child, I’ve already adjusted to having significantly less time to myself and the lack of freedom. I don’t experience it as a loss anymore because there’s an acceptance that this is what life is with young children. And over the last 5 1/2 years, I’ve learned how to find my separateness even when I’m in proximity to my kids.

Wow. Can I say wow?

The Continuum Concept, by Jean Liedloff, is in my opinion, largely a social commentary. The writer spent a great deal of time living with and observing Native South Americans in their tribal communities and contrasts their methods of child-raising to our very different North American methods.

Basically, Liedloff postulates that these tribal humans live much closer to the natural human state (the ‘continuum’) than we “civilized” humans - a postulation with which I’m sure none of us would disagree. However, she also asserts that as such, their children (and adults!) are happier, more well adjusted, and enjoy a higher quality of life than do their Western counterparts. She stresses that we have come to rely so much on our intellect and so little on our inborn instincts that we miss out on much of the truly human experience. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been doing some reading on co-sleeping and found a great article called “The Con of Controlled Crying”. Here’s an excerpt:

Controlled crying and other similar regimes may indeed work to produce a self-soothing, solitary sleeping infant. However, the trade-off could be an anxious, clingy or hyper-vigilant child or even worse, a child whose trust is broken. Unfortunately, we can’t measure attributes such as trust and empathy which are the basic skills for forming all relationships. We can’t, for instance, give a child a trust quotient like we can give him an intelligence quotient. One of the saddest emails I have received was from a mother who did controlled crying with her one-year-old toddler.

After a week of controlled crying he slept, but he stopped talking (he was saying single words). For the past year, he has refused all physical contact from me. If he hurts himself, he goes to his older brother (a preschooler) for comfort. I feel devastated that I have betrayed my child. - Sonia

Can you imagine? I can’t. I’m so glad that I read this article - on the nights when it’s the hardest, I’ll be able to remember that quote.

For more articles on baby sleep, co-sleeping, baby training, etc. check out this page. Enjoy!

I have spoken to enough moms about this subject to know that in mommy-land, I am playing with fire. Please, if you are going to leave a comment disagreeing with my position, I am happy to read it and have a discussion about the subject. Please keep in mind that just because we have chosen a different parenting style does NOT mean that I think you’re a bad parent. If any nasty/derogatory/flaming comments are posted, I will not respond, and I will delete them. Let’s be courteous everyone - thanks!

A couple of weeks ago I was at the park and met up with some friends. One asked me how Gwen was sleeping and I replied with a “Oh, the same … she still wakes up really frequently.” After a bit more chit-chat, she asked why we didn’t let her cry-it-out (CIO) so we could all get some sleep. I’m afraid my answer was woefully inadequate to convey why we are not advocates of the CIO method.

I thought about her question some more once I got home and came up with some better reasons than just “studies show it’s bad for babies’ brains” and “it just doesn’t feel right”. I thought I’d write them down here so I won’t be tempted to forget next time Read the rest of this entry »

It’s nearly impossible to be a kind, patient, loving parent with a solid month of sleep deprivation behind you.

For the past week now, Gwen has been sleeping much better - going to bed between 8 & 9pm, sleeping solid until around 12:30 - 1am, then coming into bed with us and falling right back asleep, nursing around 4, and sometimes again around 6, and waking up for the day between 7 & 8am. I know it won’t last forever and that we’ll be back in the throes of sleep deprivation at the next developmental milestone or tooth, and that we will then likely trudge through another month of sleep disturbance, but after this last week, where our sleep was only minimally disturbed, I feel like a different person.

I feel like a better person. A better mom, a better wife.

I was in the depths last week. I was honestly considering going to the doctor and asking for some anti-depressants - or at least a thorough postpartum depression evaluation. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low in my life. When my mom came to visit I asked her, “Do you think I have postpartum depression? Or do I just have a really hard baby?” She believed it was option #2. That’s hard to say out loud. I love my daughter - she’s truly a delight to be around and has the most beautiful smile and such a fun personality.

But when it’s been over a month since you’ve had more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep, you think things that make you feel like you shouldn’t be a parent. That you should never have been a parent. That you’re the worst mother in the world.

But when that month is over … when you get a couple of nights of decent sleep and when your daughter starts smiling again and, for the first time in her life, really starts giggling at things you do … you understand that you aren’t a horrible person or a horrible mother.

You understand that really, it’s been the sleep deprivation talking and, well, let’s be honest - it is a form of torture.

And you know what’s really cute? Gwen’s actually been snuggling with Brad at night lately. I’ll wake up and she’ll be over beside him … after months of co-sleeping with her wedged directly beside me, it’s kinda nice to be able to turn over and see her over there. She’s also developed a cute habit of sticking her head by him and her feet by me and laying like the mid part of a capital ‘H’. I’d read about those kinds of co-sleeping kids, but I believed I had a die-hard heat-seeking missile. Apparently I was wrong!

First, let me caveat this post by saying that, in the rare occurance that I may actually get to sleep during the day and have a decent nap, as soon as I stand up, I am in pain. Extreme gas pain that puts me in a fouler than foul mood and is often accompanied by moaning, crying, groaning, and lying curled in the fetal position for 30 mins - 1 hour. I can’t tell you how long this has been the case, but long enough to know that unless I really need that nap, it’s really just not worth the aftermath. That said, let’s move on

Brad advised me this morning to sleep with Gwen goes down for her naps. We’ve both (yeah, I’ll get around to updating about that eventually) been quite sick, and I. Am. Exhausted. I shunned the idea for Gwen’s first nap, as it occured at only 9:30am, but I thought maybe for her second, I’d see what happens. Following is an account, for my darling husband, of what transpired during said ‘nap’. Please know that these events are not isolated and their occurence is well noted by myself under 4 - 5 months of observation. This wasn’t a one-off.

I had gone out to get lunch - a bagel - from a local shop and saw some friends while there. I arrived home at around 1:45pm, perfect timing for Gwen’s second nap, since she’d awoken from her first (1+ hours) at 10:45am. She was rubbing her eyes and yawning, clear Gwen signs that a nap will easily overtake her.

I decided to nap with her in our bed - one of my favourite things to do when she was little - and got us all comfy-cozied up. She latched on … and popped off. And latched on … and popped off. Bright eyed and bushy tailed now that we’re trying to get her to sleep, my kid played. Until 2:39pm. We had some cute moments, as she rewarded me with the ever-elusive Gwen giggle after I tickled her belly a few times, followed promptly by a head-butt into my sore, congested, sinuses. Thanks, Gwen.

So. At by 2:39pm, she was whiny and clumsy. I had lain there the whole time hoping against hope that she would tire quickly and I could still get my nap. I got us comfy-cozied up again (oh, and she’d fallen asleep in our bed for her naps just fine on Saturday when I had been too tired/weak to move, so it’s not because she was in our bed. Nice try though - I knew what you were thinking!) and … oh right. Comfy-cozied up again and she nurses and slips blissfully into a quiet sleep. I lay there staring at her, blissful amidst the nursing hormones and begin drifting off a few minutes later.

To be awoken at 3:00pm.

That’s right, people, my kid slept for 15 minutes.

That, my dear sweet Brad, is why I don’t try to nap anymore. I’ll take sheer exhaustion over that fiasco any day! Although today I got to enjoy that fiasco followed by sheer exhaustion made worse by the fact that my body thought it was going to get to sleep followed by kill-me-now gut pain. Yay!

Can any one else see why I find it difficult day after day to find the sunshine and puppy dogs in being a mother?

This is what keeps me going. This kid is seriously cute.

I have totally been slacking at taking the pictures off my camera and updating le blog and le Facebook with pictures of my beautiful little girl. Maybe it’s because every moment she’s awake I’m ripping my laptop cord out of her mouth if I dare to open it up regardless of HOW FAR AWAY FROM IT I put her, or maybe it’s that I’ve been really tired lately and I just haven’t wanted to take the effort.

Either option is sad. Read the rest of this entry »

is miserable. We’re thinking now that the runny nose and crankiness is teething related instead of being a cold! She is just have the roughest time getting those teeth in! She’s working on both bottom front teeth at the same time - poor thing. I just want them to cut through so she’ll feel better.

But, on a good note, she’s rockin’ the transition to sleeping in her crib! I had wanted to just transition her to beginning the night there, but we’ve tried two nights running to bring her into bed with us in the wee hours, and it’s either too stimulating to walk down the hall and get all situated, or she’s decided the crib’s cooler. I don’t know which - all I know is she’s spending all night in the crib.

Tonight my goal is to *not* have an awake baby for an extended period of time in the middle of the night. The first night was 2 hours awake, and last night was 1 hour. But it’s whenever we bring her to bed - the 10:30/11:00 feed she goes right back to sleep, as she did this morning at 6:30, so I’m thinking tonight I’ll just be going in to feed her and put her right back down.

It’s still bittersweet. I miss waking up to my sweet baby in the morning. Maybe when she feels better she’ll want to hang out with us after her last feed?

Well, I put Gwen down in her crib last night around 8. She didn’t wake at all until 10:30! I fed her and put her back down and she slept until 3:30. In her crib. It was incredible! I brought her to bed to feed her thinking she’d fall right back asleep in bed with us, but then she was up until 5:30 - which was a bit rough!  When she finally fell asleep again, I put her back in the crib - I didn’t want to disturb Brad by bringing her back to bed in case she woke up while I was putting her down) and she slept until 7.

Brad and I went to bed at 11:30 after decorating the tree and it was bittersweet to be all alone in our bed. Wonderful, and I slept like a log …. but bittersweet all the same.

She’s still sick, but she appears to be on the mend

Well, Gwen officially has her first cold.

Pout.

Last night was miserable. I tried to sleep propped up with her on my chest so she could breathe, but she still woke at LEAST every hour. She only nursed once because she couldn’t breathe, poor thing! We couldn’t even put her down to bed last night, she’d wake up and SCREAM as soon as her little head hit the matress. She seemed a bit better today, especially after her 3 loooooong naps (I held her while she napped so she could actually rest). She went down around 8:00 with a little wimper, but she’s definitely doing much better than last night!

I just hope I get some sleep tonight.

We’re beginning to transition her to the crib for the first part of the night, since the last few nights (excluding last, of course) she has been trying to flip herself onto her tummy while swaddled. We figured we’d be the worst parents ever putting her down on her tummy on our adult bed and leaving her to sleep like that alone, so we’re trying to put her in the crib. When she wakes up for her first feed (normally around 10:30 or 11), I’ll either bring her to bed with me for the night, or nurse her and put her back down in the crib so Brad and I can start the night out alone.

It sounds great in principal, but I haven’t slept without my baby in over a year! (Yes, I’m counting the time she was in my tummy!) I think it’s going to be harder on me than on her …