kim through
   the looking glass

As the mommy wars wage on, a new article by the BBC points to science, yet again, to prove that cry-it-out is bad for babies. A quote from the author and mother of two, Dr. Penelope Leach states:

If you do not respond and if you refuse to respond, the baby knows no response is coming … The reason that a baby gives up after half an hour, three-quarters of an hour or an hour is that it has given up and that its expectations have been altered … I’ve heard it said that babies stop crying because they have learned that mummy wants them to go back to sleep. Babies are not capable of that sort of learning.

Now it remains to be seen. Will the proponents of cry-it-out ignore yet more scientific evidence that this method of ’sleep training’ is harmful for babies?

I hope not.

I remarked to my husband, Brad, a few weeks ago, and to a very good friend a few days ago, that it’s easy to ignore how wrong it is to live only in nuclear families - easy, that is, until you have kids.

Then it becomes painfully clear that the way we Westerners live is not quite right.

My friend and I were discussing how much easier it is when there’s even just ONE extra set of hands around. That if we lived in tribal communities, there would be not only a number of adults available all day and night, but also a large number of children of different ages - people for the young ones to play with and follow around. Mom would never be a lone caregiver.

Someone to hold the baby while you bathe or use the bathroom.

Someone to entertain the toddler while you’re nursing.

Someone to make dinner with - or to make dinner for you.

Western culture seems to value independence above all things. I believe that, while it’s important to be independent, it’s even more important to be interdependent. Relying on others isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength - of knowing and respecting your limits.

So I challenge you, readers: Support a new mom in your life!

What can you do to ease the burden? I’ve compiled a list of things that others have done for me (thanks, mom, friends, community and church women!) and things that I’d LOVE if people would do …

• Cook dinner for her family
• Bake cookies or muffins
• Listen to her complain about the sleep deprivation
• Do her dishes or clean her kitchen
• Sweep her house
• Clean her bathroom (man, if you can do this, you’re a superstar!)
• Take her other kid(s) to the park/for a walk for an hour so she can have time with the baby - and maybe even have a nap!
• Hold the baby while she spends some one-on-one time with her other kid(s)
• Pick up some groceries for her
• Mow her lawn or do some yardwork/gardening (in the winter, this would be replaced by shoveling)
• Listen to her brag about her children
• If you’re able, hold a FUSSY/CRYING baby while she takes a walk around the block
• Go over to her house and visit - but bring the snacks! Honestly, just having another person around makes the time pass easier

So, readers, what will you do for a new mom in your life?

Today, I ventured out to the park! I called around and made sure that a friend or two would be there first and then bit the bullet … and it went much better than I could have anticipated! Thankfully, it appears that when you’ve got a newborn, other people really help out with the toddler

I’m falling more and more in love with Gil - all the while acknowledging that the newborn phase is not my favourite! Saying that out loud and being okay with it is allowing me to move past that guilt and move into a space of being with him more fully and more intentionally enjoying this time. Read the rest of this entry »

Wow, that title seems odd.

While I’ve been witness to a few of Gil’s pees and have been able to make the cue sound (’pssssssss’), I’ve never purposefully caught one.

Until just now.

I’ve read everywhere about how you’re most likely to catch a pee just after a nap, since babies tend not to want to soil their sleeping area.

Makes sense to me - what other animals encourage their young to do so?

So as Gil was waking from his long afternoon nap (12-2:45PM today!), I removed his (dry!) diaper to nurse him and observe his cues. He nursed a long while on the first side with no sign of a pee and then pulled off, arched his back and straightened his legs. I held him in the basic under-thigh hold over our potty insert.

And he peed!

I made the cueing sound as he peed and aimed the stream a bit and he finished. I offered again after the second time, thinking he might have to poop, but he didn’t.

Yay for our first Natural Infant Hygiene success!

***UPDATE***

Just after I hit ‘post’, Gil came off the second side doing some fussing and leg stretching. So I figured, ‘what the heck!’ and took him over to the potty. Took off the (still dry!) diaper and held him over it in position - immediate pee! I was so taken aback I didn’t manage to cue him until pretty well after he finished. He was still a bit squirmy, so I said, “Do you need to poop?” and made a grunting sound, being sure to flex my abs. And my little man pooped! Wow. I can’t believe this crazy stuff works

Happy one week, little man! Today you weighed 7lbs even - a full 4 oz over your birth weight! You seem to be gaining about 6 oz every two days … which translates to a LOT of time nursing you. I don’t mind much, although your big sister is a little jealous.

Here are some random facts I’ve learned about you in the last week:

• You hate having your diaper changed just slightly more than you hate being unlatched from my breast
• You are a switch nurser - at each feed, I switch you from side to side multiple times … someday I hope you go down to only one or two breasts per feed!
• When you sneeze, you whack yourself in the head … it’s quite cute!
• You definitely recognize both your daddy’s and Gwen’s voices

Congrats to my big sister, Jenny, who had her second baby, a little girl, born AT HOME yesterday afternoon after a 3.5 hour labour

Introducing Alice Catherine, 9lbs, 21″ - isn’t she absolutely beautiful??

… from my sister Jenny’s blog. Wuhoo for stolen blog fodder!

I can’t get to sleep without:
Brushing my teeth!! But seriously, at this stage in my life (with a 3-month-old and all), I can fall asleep every night just fine, thank you!

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
Gwen, ring sling (or babywearing accessory of some sort), laptop

I have an irrational fear of:
Being attacked by a man while I’m walking somewhere (maybe that’s not irrational?)

At my grandparents house I usually eat:
Ummm … I remember once eating really nasty soup, does that count?

When I was born I weighed:
7 lbs something (Jenny, you were in the 7’s, too!)

I am most opposed to:
Commercialism, war, abortion, the “cry-it-out” method

On myspace I like to stalk:
Me no have no myspace. On Facebook, I often stalk my sisters =)

I am too old to be:
In grade school - or even high school, for that matter!

I find the thought of childbirth:
Exciting and empowering!

Next door to my house is:
Railroad tracks. Like RIGHT next door.

My feet are:
Flat. I need orthopedic shoes =(

My preferred style of jeans are:
Blue ones that have a bit of flare

I know how to cook:
Quite a bit of stuff!! That doesn’t mean I’ve been doing it lately, though …

I am annoyed at:
The fact that I can’t get anything done during the day anymore. I’ve realized I’m a ‘doing’ person and that not be able to ‘do’ drives me bonkers! I’m also annoyed that our house isn’t completely unpacked/set-up, even after being here for months and months …

Men should always:
Hold the door for women =)

Women should never:
Talk about others behind their backs (please remind me of this)

The scariest sea creature is:
Sharks

The world is over populated with:
Cell phones

I recently broke:
Hmm … I can’t remember!

I last cried because:
A girl I love very much is in a very difficult situation

My favorite shoes are:
My birkenstocks (that’s right. I wear birkenstocks)

As a parent my greatest fear is:
Being too selfish and my kids knowing it

When I think of Full House:
I think of the time I tried to start a club like the one in the book Phone Call from a Flamingo - did you even know there was a Full House Stephanie book series??

Long time no post! I hope that everyone had a very Merry Christmas and will have a super New Year! Our Christmas was great - lots of time with family =) It was definitely busy, though, which I don’t like so much. But oh well!

Good news: I finished my scarf!!!

It’s the PERFECT length and is nice and warm. I’ve started now on the matching hat =) I’ve gotta get good because I’ve now got 5 cooking babies to knit things for (5?!?! Why do I know 4 people having babies? Why am I not one of them?? Sigh.) so I’d better learn booties and hats. That’s going to be my new mantra soon: Booties and hats. Booties and hats.