What kind of sunscreen do you use?

I’ve been asked this question a few times lately and I thought I’d share the answer here …

None.

That’s right - all summer, we haven’t used sunscreen.

I know your next question - how many burns have you all had?

None.

That’s right - all summer, no sunscreen, no burns.

Yes, I do own sunscreen. After seeing the Environmental Working Group’s Summer 2010 Sunscreen Guide, we bought some Badger SPF 15 sunscreen, but haven’t yet used it.

Want to know my sun rules?

  • Out of the sun by 11 AM - short walks are okay (ie. heading home from the park or a friends’ house)
  • If outside between 11AM and 4PM, make sure it’s somewhere with plenty of shade - very little sun exposure. Toddlers do NOT understand the concept of “stay in the shade, honey!”
  • Outside again after 4PM
  • Hats in the sun are a must

That’s it. Seriously. All summer we have played outside before 11 and after 4, making sure we’re in the shade if we’re outside between those hours. It may seem difficult, but I’d rather respect the power of the sun than slather chemicals on me or the kids in order to protect us. And it hasn’t been hard … it’s mostly been the opposite. We’ve been following a daily rhythm with times built in to enjoy outdoor play and indoor play, respecting our bodies’ need to rest when it’s hottest outside - have you ever had any luck with asking a toddler to come sit down it’s too hot to run around? I haven’t! It also means we’re getting sun exposure to give us Vitamin D.

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the summer without sunscreen :)

Comments (4)

More thoughts on trusting kids …

In response to my last post, Jen asked:

I just read and wonder, can parents who choose to traditionally school their kids still adopt some of the philosophy here? For us, I don’t think that we would feel comfortable choosing unschooling for our kids, but could we not also create a balanced outlook/life for them by letting our kids learn through experiences, trusting them, letting them see how things happen for themselves and encouraging them to pursue what really interests them? And I guess my other question is (being rather unknowledgable about unschooling)…how does that affect their ability to move on to other schooling if they wanted to (e.g. highschool, college, trade school, university)?

In response to the first part, I think parents who traditionally school their kids could definitely adopt a similar philosophy at home, and I think that’s a fantastic idea! I know one mom who sends her kid to school that doesn’t allow her daughter to read her report cards and talks with her about whether she’s learning, how she’s enjoying her subjects, and how grades don’t really test what you’re learning - and I think that’s fabulous! The major problem I see with that, though, is that kids spend, generally, more waking hours at school than they do at home … so I wonder at how quickly the trust would become overcome.

As for the second issue, there is a great post called 7 Ways to Get into University Without a High School Diploma. Apparently it’s actually more difficult to enroll in a college or trade school than into university, but that can be accomplished by taking a few university credits and transferring in. There are also, apparently, ways in which life experience can be transferred into high school credits, although I’m not entirely familiar with them - I figure I’ve got a ways to go before I have to figure this all out!

My sister Jenny said:

I had no idea you struggled with this because, honestly, you give off the impression you could really care less what anyone else thinks and you’ve always done exactly what you wanted whether or not anyone agreed with you.

Also is unschooling the same as home schooling in that you would keep them home and teach them? I couldn’t figure it out by reading your link.

I’m glad that I appear not to have an issue with this! Generally speaking, by the time that I’ve made a decision I have, pardon my language, researched the CRAP out of it and feel good about it and it’s true - by that point, I don’t care what people think. That doesn’t, however, mean that I’m not agonizing about making the decision or worried about whether the parents will approve. It’s odd - I don’t mind at all whether or not people respectfully disagree or want to discuss a decision - it’s the thought of letting someone down that bothers me. Maybe that’s why I don’t care what people think … if I can’t “let them down”, they don’t need to agree with me - and there’s only a few people who I feel like I could “let down”. Wow. That really sounds pathetic of me.

As for your question on unschooling, someone once defined it to me as homeschooling without a curriculum. Now that I have been researching it, that seems like a very shallow definition. Unschooling is allowing children the freedom to engage in self-directed learning - a method of learning which is highly supported by literature to be one of the most effective ways for people to learn. Why would I do this? I enjoy the following quote from John Holt’s article, The Right to Control One’s Learning:

Young people should have the right to control and direct their own learning; that is, to decide what they want to learn, and when, where, how, how much, how fast, and with what help they want to learn it. To be still more specific, I want them to have the right to decide if, when, how much, and by whom they want to be taught and the right to decide whether they want to learn in a school and if so which one and for how much of the time.

No human right, except the right to life itself, is more fundamental than this. A person’s freedom of learning is part of his freedom of thought, even more basic than his freedom of speech. If we take from someone his right to decide what he will be curious about, we destroy his freedom of thought. We say, in effect, you must think not about what interests and concerns you, but about what interests and concerns us.

That about sums it up. I want my kids to learn because they love learning (we are biologically driven to learn!) and I want them to learn about the world through play, through exploring their interests, by experiencing life, by interacting with people of all different ages, by doing “real world” tasks … all on a daily basis. For an interesting discussion of child-directed learning, check out Dr. Peter Gray’s article, The Wisdom of Hunter-Gatherers. Here’s an excerpt:

The freedom that hunter-gatherer children enjoy to pursue their own interests comes partly from the adults’ understanding that such pursuits are the surest path to education. It also comes from the general spirit of egalitarianism and personal autonomy that pervades hunter-gatherer cultures and applies as much to children as to adults. Hunter-gatherer adults view children as complete individuals, with rights comparable to those of adults. Their assumption is that children will, of their own accord, begin contributing to the economy of the band when they are developmentally ready to do so. There is no need to make children or anyone else do what they don’t want to do.

I love this concept and it is this view - the view of my children as a social, autonomous individuals - that is what is motivating me to educate outside the mainstream. I want to preserve their autonomy and trust them to learn everything they need to know to survive in our culture without being forced, coerced, or manipulated.

Keep the questions coming, people! Answering your questions helps me to put into words what I’m thinking and feeling - an exercise I find most useful!

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Trusting

I’m doing a  lot of reading/listening/thinking these days about trust. Today, I listened to a podcast at Whatever Whatever Amen: Trusting Children (Part One). This is an excerpt from the podcast, a quote from John Holt’s How Children Learn:

“All I am saying in this book can be summed up in two words: Trust Children. Nothing could be more simple, or more difficult. Difficult because to trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves, and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.”

Here’s the comment I left on their page:

I’ve just recently started listening to your podcasts. The ‘AP sucks’ one got me hooked :)

So you asked some questions in your podcast, and alluded to some things that I’ve been struggling with. Since realizing that school isn’t really all that necessary (thanks to Sir Ken Robinson’s talk on schools killing creativity for getting that ball rolling!) I’ve realized that although school was easy for me and I (mostly) enjoyed it, I spent most of my schooling making my parents proud. Heck, I went into Biochemistry at University because it made my parents (and guidance counsellor) proud and happy. When I switched into Nursing, I was terrified to tell my parents for fear of their disapproval and even now at 26, married for almost 4 years with two kids, I’m terrified that if I don’t ever “use” my degree and work as a Registered Nurse, I’ll disappoint them (actually, I know I’ll disappoint them. My dad has said it on a number of occasions). So, do I trust myself? Hell no. I’ve been subtly told that I’m untrustworthy and incapable of making decisions for myself my whole life – but I’m darn good at making decisions to make other people happy. It sucks. It sucks second-guessing myself all the time. It sucks having to think “am I making this decision because it’s right for me or because it will make someone happy/proud?” every time I decide something.

I have a hard time knowing who I am and what I like to do. I mean, some things are obvious – I like to knit, I love to read, I’m passionate about environmentalism and breastfeeding, but beyond my hobbies and passions – who am I? I can’t answer that.

Do I trust my kids? Yes and no. I find it easy to trust infants/babies. Really, their needs are so few (and so obvious and so easily met, generally speaking) that it’s hard to argue that they aren’t trustworthy (although some people try *cough* Gary Ezzo *cough*. I trust 100% my son, Gil – he’s 5 weeks old. When he fusses or cries, I nurse him, comfort him, take him to pee/poo or change his diaper if it’s too late. That being said, I find it terribly difficult to trust Gwen, my 21-month-old. There’s a lot of information on attachment parenting babies – not so much on once they become little people! I find it hard not to slip into the “she’s manipulating me” “she’s testing me” “she doesn’t know what she needs” “she should eat more/sleep more/go to bed earlier” “she’s just being dramatic” “what’s wrong with her” “she shouldn’t feel that way” trap. I hate it and I try not to do it, but gosh darnit it’s HARD not to think those things and even harder, once you’ve thought them, to not take action on them.

Learning to trust is hard. We’re currently planning to unschool, and I’m learning every day to give up a little bit more control so that Gwen can learn about her environment, make messes and mistakes, and enjoy her life. I don’t want to pass on my distrust of myself, and I hope that the past 18 months of distrust in her is easily undone. I’m hoping to do things differently with Gil – for example doing baby-led solids (which we ended up at with Gwen anyways because she wouldn’t eat purees), not trying to force him to sleep separate than us, etc. I’m so looking forward to enjoying life with my kids and exposing them to different life experiences (a nutrient-rich environment – I like that analogy) and learning along with them!

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Tandem nursing - the early experiences

Gil is just over two weeks old. Although in some ways it feels like he’s fit right into our little family like he was never missing, in other ways, he is still very new, as are our experiences with him.

Gil has an almost constant need to nurse. Forget every 2 hours. Forget every hour. When this boy is awake, he is stuck like glue to my breast. When he sleeps, he sleeps hard - 1 or 2 hours at a time, minimum.

Gwen seems to be taking this in stride - most of the time, anyways. She seems to realize that “baby” needs mommy and needs to nurse. In fact, two days ago, Gwen was in my room with Gil and I while I was dressing for the day. Gil was propped up on a pillow on the bed looking around and Gwen was watching him. “Mommy. Baby.” She said. In Gwen speak, this means, ‘Mommy, I want you to hold Gil.’ I told her that just as soon as I was ready, I’d pick him up. “Mommy. Baby. Sling.” She said, again. I think I’ve got a novice babywearer on my hands! Read the rest of this entry »

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I caught my first pee!

Wow, that title seems odd.

While I’ve been witness to a few of Gil’s pees and have been able to make the cue sound (’pssssssss’), I’ve never purposefully caught one.

Until just now.

I’ve read everywhere about how you’re most likely to catch a pee just after a nap, since babies tend not to want to soil their sleeping area.

Makes sense to me - what other animals encourage their young to do so?

So as Gil was waking from his long afternoon nap (12-2:45PM today!), I removed his (dry!) diaper to nurse him and observe his cues. He nursed a long while on the first side with no sign of a pee and then pulled off, arched his back and straightened his legs. I held him in the basic under-thigh hold over our potty insert.

And he peed!

I made the cueing sound as he peed and aimed the stream a bit and he finished. I offered again after the second time, thinking he might have to poop, but he didn’t.

Yay for our first Natural Infant Hygiene success!

***UPDATE***

Just after I hit ‘post’, Gil came off the second side doing some fussing and leg stretching. So I figured, ‘what the heck!’ and took him over to the potty. Took off the (still dry!) diaper and held him over it in position - immediate pee! I was so taken aback I didn’t manage to cue him until pretty well after he finished. He was still a bit squirmy, so I said, “Do you need to poop?” and made a grunting sound, being sure to flex my abs. And my little man pooped! Wow. I can’t believe this crazy stuff works :)

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Book Review: Diaper Free

I was recommended the book Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene (Ingrid Bauer) by a number of parents on an email list in which I participate. At first the idea of Natural Infant Hygiene (NIH), or Elimincation Communication (EC) as it is often called, totally grossed me out - after all, aren’t babies and diapers part and parcel?

I figured it couldn’t hurt to read the book and maybe it would give me some interesting things to try with Gwen, so I picked it up from my library and dove into it. People, I love this book!

The idea behind NIH is that babies are born with the ability to consciously relax their bodies and urinate or defecate just like an older child or adult, but that we train them to use a diaper instead. From pages 98-99:

“Elimination Communication begins with the baby’s awareness of subtle sensations, which indicate the filling of the bladder. The baby may then signal the parent, or the parent may anticipate the need through timing or intuition. The parent holds the child over a receptacle and make a familiar sound. The child then voluntarily relaxes and releases the urine before the bladder has become uncomfortably full. Over time, as muscles strengthen and conscious control increases, the baby is able to retain and hold in larger quantities of urine for longer periods of time if necessary. This occurs gradually with no particular focus or effort as a natural and inevitable consequence. About the time the sphincter muscles fully develop, the diaper-free baby achieves consistent continence.”

Bauer then goes on to contrast this with conventional potty training, in which a child has learned to pee in its diaper only when the bladder is very full and it cannot hold any more urine. When we then ask that child to begin using a toilet or potty to urinate in, he or she must contract the sphincter muscles and make it to the potty or toilet to release the urine. These kids just literally don’t sense the subtler signals that their bladder is sending to their brain in order to pee voluntarily before the bladder is full until much later than the toilet learning has begun.

I think one of the most interesting things I learned in this book is about the differences between the Western world’s concept of ‘toilet readiness’ - that a child cannot possibly toilet train before at least 18 months because they don’t have the ability - and the Eastern world’s belief that children are quite able to communicate effectively about their elimination needs. I enjoyed this quote a whole lot - from pages 70-71:

“One of the most glaring problems with the concept of toilet training readiness is its heavy ethnocentric focus. The “readiness” theory can only even begin to be considered viable if one pretends that the vast majority of the non-Western world does not exist … Millions of mothers around the globe know that babies are “ready” and aware from birth. The empirical evidence is overwhelming and stretches back for eons. Why has the experience of the majority of the world’s mothers and babies been ignored for so long? Are only modern North American and European babies subject to this maturational lag?”

The book then describes the suspicious timing of the release of scientific literature to promote the ‘toilet readiness’ theory by Dr. Brazelton during the year the first disposable diapers - Pampers - were released. Not to mention that Dr. Brazelton happened to sit for a time on the Pampers Parenting Institute Pediatric Roundtable. Coincidence? I happen to think not!

The book is filled with stories and instructions as to how best support your child’s elimination - whether you start at birth, after a few months, or start later with a toddler. I’m planning to start pretty early with Love Bug - we’ll see how it goes!

Here are some other resources for learning about NIH:

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Manifesto of the idle parent

This passage made me smile today as I found it over @ Peaceful Parenting - totally my new favourite blog. If this is what parenting is all about, BRING IT ON!

Manifesto of the idle parent

We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
We pledge to leave our children alone
That should mean that they leave us alone, too
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
We drink alcohol without guilt
We reject the inner Puritan
We fill the house with music and laughter
We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays
We lie in bed for as long as possible
We try not to interfere
We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
Time is more important than money
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
Down with school

We fill the house with music and merriment

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