Sleep .. or lack thereof.
Interestingly, I’m finding that adding a second child to our family has not, overall, made me nearly as tired as I thought it might.
Mind you, I’m napping when I can and going to bed a LOT earlier these days than I ever have - probably since grade 7 or 8 … maybe even earlier. I was a bit of an insomniac in those grades …
Gil falls asleep sometime between 7 & 8, we normally start Gwen’s bedtime around 8, and after my part is done (pj’s & diaper, nursing if she wants it, and tooth brushing), I head to bed with Gil curled up beside me. If it’s before 9, I might read for a bit, or like one night this week, enjoy a tv show with Brad.
Mostly, though, I’ve realized that I will only need to go to sleep that early for so long … because before too long, Gil will be sleeping well enough that I can ‘enjoy’ my evenings again.
I’m find this excerpt from Conscious Transitions - Motherhood: Layers of Letting Go to be very true of myself, emphasis mine:
But the main difference between my experience this time is so simple: I go to sleep earlier! I put Asher to bed, then I put Everest to bed and fall asleep with him. Most nights, I’m asleep between 8:30 and 9 pm. So even though I’m still woken up several times during the night and am usually awake for the day by 5 am, I feel relatively rested most days.
Here’s the thing: with Everest, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my evening hours in favor of sleep. I would have rather been exhausted than give up my private time or time with my husband at the end of the day. The sacrifices as a new mother were so overwhelmingly numerous that I couldn’t bear to let go of one more thing – especially something so essential as time separate from my child. More shocking than the sleep deprivation was what felt like an almost total obliteration of my separate selfhood. I grieved many things in the first months of new motherhood but at the core of the grief was the loss of self and the loss of the freedom I had before becoming a mother.
With the second child, I’ve already adjusted to having significantly less time to myself and the lack of freedom. I don’t experience it as a loss anymore because there’s an acceptance that this is what life is with young children. And over the last 5 1/2 years, I’ve learned how to find my separateness even when I’m in proximity to my kids.
Brandy said,
March 12, 2010 @ 6:58 am
I like your emphasis. It’s very true.
I can be in the same room with Isabel but I don’t have to be the one entertaining her. I just keep an eye/ear out for trouble.
I think I will be in the same boat of early bedtime with new little one. We shall see which side of sleep pendulum he falls on!
Nadine said,
March 14, 2010 @ 10:29 pm
Wow. That’s dead on!
Liz said,
March 16, 2010 @ 5:46 am
It’s so interesting, Kim. I grieved the loss of selfhood much more after my second; or, maybe, I am had a little more trouble this time with the coming up for air part. I think it is partly that I had a really great sense of myself even in proximity to Fiona and when Simone came along to temporarily obliterate that, I was unable to properly put myself back together. I’m not sure what it means. I feel like I’ve grown in different ways with both daughter. In necessary ways.
kim said,
March 16, 2010 @ 6:08 am
Liz, I can completely understand that! It seems like adjusting to the second is more about adjusting to the role of being mother of ANOTHER rather than ‘mother’ in general. You have to completely shift your relationship to your first and that’s definitely hard. I think with Gwen I was a bit angry about my loss of self. This time, I’ve been more sad about my shift in relationship with Gwen.