kim through
   the looking glass

I’ve been thinking a bit about my new size lately.

Mostly because I look in the mirror and I don’t see anything different. I’ve never had a terribly good body image … maybe partially stemming from being called ‘chubby’, ’stocky’, and ‘cute’ - never ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ - growing up .

I told Brad a few nights ago that he was the first guy to have ever called me beautiful - out of 11 (12?) boyfriends I had between grades 7 and 11, when I met him. My parents and sisters never called me beautiful, only ‘cute’.

Every day, I look in the mirror and struggle. I struggle to see myself as Brad sees me and how I know God sees me - beautiful. But I don’t feel it. And mostly, I don’t believe it. I find myself wondering how Brad can possibly call me beautiful when clearly, at best, I’m cute. I don’t doubt he believes me to be beautiful, but if I’m being honest with myself, sometimes I wonder if his eyesight is really that poor …

In the same way, I put on my brand new size 6 jeans and marvel that they fit me. I wonder if maybe I tried on the only grossly mislabeled size 6 in Old Navy and I’m really still a size 12, because I sure don’t feel different and I don’t see any difference in the mirror. I know my old jeans were getting baggy and that now when I walk, my thighs don’t rub together, but in the mirror?

I get in front of that mirror, catch a glimpse of myself in a car or shop window, and instantly I’m that ’stocky’ kid who was yelled at during ballet class to “suck it in!” or the ‘cute’ girl in the family photo beside my two beautiful sisters.

And I vow to tell my daughter that she is beautiful.

I baked again yesterday! From scratch!

I feel so accomplished

They were some seriously yummy carrot cupcakes muffins. I modified this recipe to look more like this:

Carrot Muffins

1 cup spelt flour

1 cup whole wheat pastry flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons cinnamon

4 eggs

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup applesauce

1/2 cup canola oil

2 cups grated carrot

1 1/2 cups grated apple

some raisins (most recipes say 1 cup)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C) and place rack in center of oven. Place paper liners in 24 muffin cups.In a separate bowl whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, and ground cinnamon. In another large bowl whisk the eggs, sugar, and oil until slightly thickened. Fold in the flour mixture until incorporated. With a large rubber spatula stir in the grated carrots, grated apple, and raisins. Evenly divide the batter between the 24 muffin cups and bake about 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a cupcake comes out clean (mine took 18 minutes).

Remove from the oven and let cool completely on a wire rack. Sprinkle icing sugar and cinnamon on the tops of the muffins. Serve!

This recipe was super easy … the part that took the longest was grating the carrots! These received a big thumbs up from Brad and Gwen also really enjoyed eating some pieces … and because they’re so healthy, I think I’ll be making more of them without raisins and letting Gwen have them … I’m hoping to buy a mini muffin tin shortly so I can just give her a couple of those … unsugared of course! Next time I’m going to try substituting plain yogurt for the rest of the oil to see how they turn out …

I just filled out a quiz on Facebook: Top 5 People I Want to Punch in the Face.

It made me howl.

Here’s my list:

Dr. Gaius Baltar

Gary Ezzo

PeeWee Herman

Marissa Cooper

Sarah Palin

So tell me - who’s on your list?

Before I got pregnant, I was around 140 - 145lbs and wore at least a size 10, often a size 12. I was shocked to find myself back in my pre-pregnancy pants at about 4 or 6 weeks postpartum - yep, apparently I’m ‘that girl’.

When Gwen was between 4 and 6 months, I realized that my pants were falling off me and looking awfully sloppy, so I bought some new size 8’s. I have *never* worn a single-digit size before in my whole life. I was thrilled!

Lately, my size 8’s have been feeling a bit big … and by a bit, I mean that I can pull them down without undoing the button. So I headed to the mall today and brought home a pair of size 6 jeans.

Go, breastfeeding, go!

Tonight, some friends hosted the documentary A Crude Awakening at my church with a speaker from Environment Hamilton (Wow. That was a lot of links in one sentence.).

The movie gave an amazing look at the problem of peak oil and what it means for our way of life in the coming years.

It was scary. I highly recommend watching the film. I’ll be processing the information contained therein for many days to come …

… what I was planning to blog about.

Today my mom came down and took me to Snuggle Bugz - a baby store in Burlington. I picked up a JJ Cole Picnic Blanket (the grey/green one) and a bumGenius Diaper Sprayer. Yay!

I remember having a celebration at my school to honour Earth Day every year. The school body would head outside onto the grounds and we would plant a tree, we would generally listen to some poems about the earth, and some of us (I was in the Environmental Club) would pick up garbage around the property.

This year for Earth Day, I’m breastfeeding!

I’m also giving away coupons!! The nice folks at gDiapers have sent me a stack of information brochures and coupons to give away in honour of Earth Day.

If you’ve been thinking about a more environmentally friendly diapering method but aren’t quite ready to go cloth, gDiapers are a great alternative - and like I have, you can convert the system to a cloth-only system very easily! And with $2 off any of their products, maybe you’d like to try it out!

The coupons are valid in Canada only, so if you’re a Canuck and you’d like one (or two), leave me a comment and I’ll contact you for your mailing address and send them out to you along with the information booklets, which describe what gDiapers are all about as well as giving a great visual for how well they break down in landfills.

My laptop is … not cooperating? That’s my polite way of saying that the darn thing won’t turn on.

Yeah, I know. That’s what I think of it, too.

So anyways, I had some cute videos I was planning to upload and share today but here we are, without cute photos OR videos, but text’ll just have to do!

Gwen has started a very cute cruising behaviour - pacing back and forth along the couch, end table, exersaucer, chairs, etc. Go to one end … stop … go to other end … repeat. I love it!

Gwen can now “climb” the stairs. She can’t do it on her own (yet), but she rather enjoys climbing up the stairs while you hold her hands. She uses her right knee to get up the stair - it’s rather entertaining to watch!

Gwen wants to walk EVERYWHERE now. She will grab my fingers and then hurl herself off my lap and expect that I will indulge her and help her walk around the house. If I refuse or if I stop at any point, a full on screaming, head-thrown-back, gasping-for-air temper tantrum ensues. Charming.

I’ve been wondering why Gwen’s so … fussy … lately, as I hadn’t been able to see anything going on in her mouth. I snuck a look in there today and sure enough, her right eye tooth (which had been looking white but then gone away) is now white and a bit bulgy. Poor girl’s going to have completely lopsided teeth! She’s got the two middle bottoms, the right middle top, and the one to the right of that poked through late last week. If she gets her eye tooth it’ll be completely unbalanced. But cute

We ordered some more board books for little miss so that we don’t go crazy reading the same ones again and again. We got Yes Yes (includes No No Yes Yes, Big Little, and Yummy Yucky), Pat the Bunny, Eco Babies Wear Green, and Urban Babies Wear Black. They’re all great books - the only thing I don’t like about any of them is that in Urban Babies Wear Black there’s a lot of pacifiers and bottles - no slings, no breastfeeding … but that’s the lactivist in me coming out!

My poor nephew, Liam, has five allergies: dogs, cats, corn, wheat, and peanuts. What a set to get saddled with! I’m hoping that Gwen doesn’t have any allergies, although it wouldn’t surprise me, since I (and my mom!) have allergic rhinitis, Brad and Jenny had childhood asthma, Becky’s got celiac disease, and Brad suspects he has some seasonal allergies.

Yay!

I think when we got for Gwen’s 12 month appointment I’ll mention it to her doctor. I think he suspects she has some anyways, as that was something he asked about. I guess if we get it diagnosed early than at least we know what we’re up against, huh? I know she’s fine with wheat (she’s had wheat products and had no reaction), but I wouldn’t know if she was allergic to peanuts or corn, since we haven’t tried either.

Hmmm …

Etsy’s Mothering Street Team has an amazing giveaway up for grabs! Go check it out!