Offend Me Much?
I was startled to read this post over at The True Face of Birth.
Startled and appalled.
The article entitled “New moms should travel mammary lane discreetly”, published in the Calgary Herald, is one of the most offensive articles I have ever read about breastfeeding. The writer was demeaning to women who choose to breastfeed in public, or show a picture of themselves breastfeeding, claiming that they have a lack of self-respect and decorum, are not thinking of their babies’ best interest (in case, heaven forbid, the child grow up to see a picture of themselves breastfeeding), immodest, indecent, and classless. Wow. Seems to be like a lot to assert because of one issue - the Hey, Facebook! Breastfeeding is NOT Obscene! group on Facebook.
I’ll admit. I participated in the virtual “nurse-in”. Why? Because I don’t view breastfeeding as obscene. I view it as a healthy, natural way to feed my child. I’m not, by ANY stretch of the imagination, an exhibitionist, nor am I indecent, immodest, and classless. However, I feed my baby wherever I happen to be if she needs it. If there is a nursing room that is NOT located in a bathroom, I will go there - but not for the comfort of other people … I might go there because Gwen is particularly distracted or fussy. On the most part, I will feed Gwen wherever, whenever. And, shockingly, I have never put a blanket over her. Have you met my baby? She does not enjoy being covered up, and that will make for a bigger fuss than just feeding her. Granted, I’m normally wearing a nursing shirt when we go out to help me feed discreetly, but I’ve had some looks.
The following comic kinda sums it up for me, so I’ll let it speak for itself.
Jen said,
January 19, 2009 @ 8:59 pm
Hmmmm, this is a tough one.
While I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding, being able to do it wherever you need to in order to feed your child (I too, BF in public) and believing that it is a beautiful natural thing, in some ways I see her point.
50 years ago, would anyone wanted to have publicly posted pictures of their breasts (for whatever reason)? I think her point that modesty has changed is very true. We are from a generation that shares much more intimate detail about our lives than ever before. As my mom always says “I can’t believe you talk about x, y, or z with your friends. We never talked about that when I was growing up.” Whether or not our “tell all” mentality is a good thing is a whole other debate!
As for Facebook, I choose not to post such pictures up because that’s just not within my comfort zone. And she is right, the internet is not totally secure. Some people feel ok doing that. It personally doesn’t bother me one bit. Other people, it might. The age of kids on Facebook/the internet is getting younger and younger, and you never know who is looking over your shoulder. I think that teaching kids about breastfeeding is a good thing to do, to show them that it’s normal natural and healthy. But, when it comes to the internet, you just never know if that parent is around to explain why one nipple is ok to show but the other isn’t.
I have taken breastfeeding pictures but they are more for me than anyone else. I find them special, and they are in a folder in my computer for me to look at. I am sure Anderson won’t care to see those when he’s 18
If he does, he is welcome to them!
While I think the way she wrote the article was crass and rude, I think there is an element of truth to it that was just really poorly worded. And, well, in balance to all of the other pro-breastfeeding articles out there, she is entitled to her own opinion, right? I just let it roll of my shoulder and wonder if she’s ever been a breastfeeding mom herself to have such a cold perception about it.
Thought I’d play devil’s advocate…debate!
kim said,
January 19, 2009 @ 10:02 pm
LOL - I hear you! Actually though, I have seen many pictures taken in the early 1900s that reporters took of families that show the woman with her bodice down feeding the baby - sitting in the middle of her house, talking to the reporter who is taking pictures. So, while that long ago they might not have *posted* pictures of themselves, they certainly weren’t shy about other people taking pictures of them!
I wouldn’t put up revealing pictures of myself breastfeeding, just as I wouldn’t put up a revealing picture of myself doing anything else, but I don’t think that breastfeeding should stay hidden. If we continue to treat breastfeeding like it’s something to hide, what in our culture will change?
Rich said,
January 20, 2009 @ 4:12 am
Ok first off I am pro BFing any where any time. I feel it should be a basic human right and protected as such.
Alright having said that lets break it down.
First what is the difference between BFing in public and posting a BF photo in public. The former is only there for a moment in time. The later is there for all time. Its kind of like being pantsed in public or having a picture of you having being pantsed posted in public. One our butt is there and gone in a flash, the other you butt is hanging out for ever to be viewed for as long and as close as someone wants.
So there is a “time to live” difference BFing may provide a flash of a nipple where a BFing photo will capture and freeze time at the moment of that quick flash.
Second is not being allowed to post BFing photos really denying a mother or baby anything? No. If you want to share the photos you can still do it privately or through another means that allows it. As Jen pointed out a nipple is a nipple. In a BF photo or a centerfold photo a nipple is still a nipple (but yes exposed for two completely different reasons)
And Third what is the child sees the photo? Well big whoop as Jen said if Anderson wants to see them that’s no problem. But what if his 10 year old friends find them? The social scars could take a while to heal. And lets face it kids don’t need extra fuel to make other kids social outcasts. And if the kids are 16 ….. well there will be no end to it.
Now having said all this there should be no problem with BFing photos that do not display any nipple. If you want to see “side boob” go look at a bikini store site or the bra section of Sears. I think that is what the people at Facebook made the decision on. It was not an issue of allowing BFing photos or not, rather nipple or no nipple. I think the right choice was made based on the Facebook rules that every one needs to adhere to. Then there is the issue that nipple exposure is allowed in the streets of Canada (toplessness), and I fully support it, Facebook is international and have set their own rules and guidelines for use.
).
(sorry had to be a guy for a moment there
kim said,
January 20, 2009 @ 4:22 am
Hey Rich! *waves* Thanks for sharing your opinion!! I think you’re right - nipple is a bit different from a tasteful, discreet photo, and for the most part, I agree - I don’t need to see anyone’s nipples!!
Kathryn said,
January 20, 2009 @ 9:38 pm
It’s funny because when I nursed Nadia I was all out embarrassed to even be fiddling with my bra under my shirt to latch her on. I really never nursed her in public. Now with Rhys, I try to be discreet and I am, but my mindset has changed so much. I think, hey, if you see flesh you see flesh! It’s funny, porn is ok, but nourishing my child isn’t? I’m not going to deliberately expose my breast or nipple just to prove a point, but I’m tired of hiding to nurse my baby. I dunno, I guess I’ve just gotten a ‘I don’t really care anymore’ attitude. If ya see something, ya see something. Guess you won’t look again, huh?
kim said,
January 20, 2009 @ 10:15 pm
LOL Kathryn - that’s how I feel! How closely do you have to be looking to see something? Now who has the problem?
Jen said,
January 22, 2009 @ 10:17 am
LOL. That’s generally how I am with feeding Anderson too. I try to be discreet, but I will not nurse him in a bathroom. Eeew. I particularly loved the lady in Limeridge Mall who scooted her kids past me saying “don’t look, don’t look”. He had a blanket over him. You couldn’t even see the baby let alone flesh. Indecent exposure indeed.
Andy said,
February 5, 2009 @ 5:03 am
Maybe England is more liberal about this. Never had a problem…